In a year or so I moved to the city, thinking ‘What’ve I got to lose?’
My brain never fails to find obscure musical lyrics to describe my ever-changing life. Like every other basic musical theater girl, of course I would identify with the lovely Kathy from The Last 5 Years. It is incredibly true that at this point last year I had every intention of moving back to the city…. in a year…. with the thought of “what have I got to lose?”
At this point, last year, I was back in Tucson. Good ol’ T-town. As I wait for the endless Tucson jokes to roll in, I am beginning to realize that my time in Tucson was well spent. I had just returned from a crazy night trip that Melody C. and I decided at the last minute to go see a show and drive back down in the same night. In my slightly delirious state of trying not to fall asleep, I had a slight epiphany when this lyric popped into my head. So I gave myself a year to get my life in order (because what 22 year old actually has their life in order?). So I buckled down. I was working a horrendous amount of hours at two different jobs to save up enough money to maybe consider moving back. On top of those two retail jobs, which were nearly killing me with the endless remarks of stupidity and constantly being degraded by 13 year olds, I also agreed to work for Arizona Opera Company. So add in two weeks of working 8-2, driving to Phoenix and doing Rigoletto, staying at a friend’s apartment, waking up at 4 in the morning to drive back down to Tucson to work 8-2, and then doing it all over again. For two weeks. I do not understand the concept of the word ‘No’ or find sleep a necessity.
Sleep deprived as I was, it gave me some semblance of my ability to work to get what I want, something that was foreign to me, not because of a privileged lifestyle but because for once I felt like I was deserving of something I wanted. When AZ Opera had ended and I finally had a chance to sleep, I was back to the old grind. I had made a few more stops to Phoenix to see the Miscast Concert and Revenge of the Space Pandas. Then the holidays happened. Holidays are the best in retail. Really they are. Black Friday was just a blast, working from 7 p.m. to noon…. the next day. I hope the dripping sarcasm didn’t make too much of a mess, sorry. With the holidays did come little Christmas Pageants and Programs in which I’d dress an angel here or there, but nothing spectacular to fill the theater void. The holidays came and went and on a whim, on a day off, I decided that I was going to do some job hunting up in Phoenix. I sent out a couple of resumes, filled out some applications and thought ‘That was fun’. Little did I know that ‘fun’ would turn into me hearing back from a company the same day, and interview that Friday, and a job offer a couple of hours after the interview, all leading perfectly to my being back in Phoenix come January 5th. Now, I know I’m not good at math, but that year was much shorter than I thought.
So here I am, an actual year later. As I sit at work, typing this, it has hit me how full circle I’ve come. However cheesy or cliché it sounds, I don’t think I would change my experience. It taught me that it’s okay to say ‘no’, that heartache and heartbreak are okay and can be healed, and that if I were willing to wait, God would do some crazy cool things with my life. Being back up here has definitely boosted my confidence. I’ve been to more auditions this year that I thought possible. I’ve been able to design some really amazing shows. I was able to fulfill a dream and goal of being in the Miscast Concert. I’ve even ASMed a show, something I didn’t think I’d ever do! I also got to play one of the funniest, most high intensity roles of my career thus far. A huge plus has truly been the friendships I’ve gained. I didn’t think I would ever be able to experience the amount of open arms and love I have in this short period of time. So looking back on this year, I’d say it wasn’t the one I expected but holy cow, it was one that I am glad I got. Aside from Now and Then’s being delicious chewy treats, these are probably my favorite blogs to read; I love to see everyone’s growth and their accomplishments. I think we are all allowed to brag, just a little bit. So in a year or so I moved to the city, thinking “what’ve I got to lose?” and, if anything, I have only gained.
Love and Sugar Wheels,