Sass & Stuff: Creative Doubt

Creative Doubt
By Megan O’Connor

Brelby Theatre Company is opening their next Mainstage show, unexpected, on the heels of their Season Reveal. Season Ten is going to be a bit of a blast and I hope everyone’s as excited as we are! I’ve been out for the beginning of this season, recuperating and resting after going non stop for a very long time. But I’m back doing the Hair and Makeup design for unexpected, a play by John Perovich and it’s been a challenge. There’s a man with wings and the leads are a couple of years apart but need to look the same age, and three beautiful sisters who need to look pretty plain and the same but unique. Now, I love special effects makeup. I’m constantly learning a lot about it but if I get to design blood and gore or just slap a ton of glitter on someone, I’m in designer heaven. But the opportunity to work on this show has not only challenged me as a designer, but helped to ease me back into theatre after my break. But I had a moment during PR where I thought, “all of this is crap.”

I also have my first full-length play debuting next month. I’ve been thinking about the story and characters of The Pledge for a long time, and I tried to write it multiple times in various formats but I never liked the direction it was going. But now it’s a full length play with an amazing production team and insanely talented actors all led by one of the best directors I’ve ever worked with. And the thought that keeps crossing my brain is that if the show sucks, I’m the only one to blame.

And after about 6 months, I had my first audition last weekend. I know how to audition. But last year I was doing it so often that it became normal and after such a long break, I’d completely forgotten what it feels like and I was terrified.

But I’m doing all of these things. Rather than get in my head about it or let the things that could stifle my creativity win, I’m choosing to take a deep breath and keep going.

So often, I have all of these things, thoughts, feelings, fears, that could prevent me from being creative and doing something I enjoy. But it’s not helpful. Not to evaluate while I create, not allowing fear of failure or embarrassment to rule my decisions, to not be afraid to wander into the unknown. I want to run at the things that scare me. I want to continue to step outside of my comfort zone and not limit myself in any way.

I’m easing back into theatre life. It’s scary. It’s uncomfortable. It’s fun.

I hope you all come and see the show.

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